Log entry –
4:11 AM, 37 miles North East of Krasnoyarsk, Russia.
Nothing on the magnets. Darn. I’m going back to bed. Excitement from a dream about finally catching a meteor fragment woke me up, and it’s only a matter of time now until I catch one. Last week, I added 29 more magnets, bringing my total up to 472. I am a little concerned I might pull in a random car driving by, but back here in the woods I haven’t seen much traffic besides caribou and of course the mutant radioactive pigs.
Because the Chernobyl disaster spread so much radioactive material across Russia, the pigs (being ground feeders) have picked up enough of it to be very radioactive.
The pigs are useful at least – they glow so brightly from the 137Cs that I can see if anything is on the magnets by their light when they run past at night. Plus, when my oil lamp in the cabin ran out of oil, I caught one and suspended her from the ceiling for light for a couple days until I could get more caribou oil. Oh, yeah, there isn’t electricity here. I’m a little ways outside of Krasnoyarsk, Russia. She struggled and kicked from time to time, but that was OK because it made cool lightshows on the walls (137Cs has a pretty green glow). I’ve still got a few bruises from where she kicked my head as I walked under her, but I guess that’s not too bad. I wish I could figure out why all my hair is falling out, though.
Why Kraysnoyarsk? Well, calculating an inverted quantum crystalline vibrational mean from the GPS coordinates of Tunguska, Sinkhote-Alin, and Chelyabinsk (after correcting for the entangled morphic frequencies) luckily landed me within a few dozen miles of a major city. Why those places? Because those are the locations (all in Russia!) of the biggest meteor impacts witnessed & recorded by humans (on Earth), and if I’m going to catch one, this seems to be the place to be.
The Quantum Field Vortex is Discovered
Why have all the biggest meteor impacts recorded by humans hit in Russia? That was my first clue. Yes, Russia is big, but not that big – only 15% of Earth’s land area, giving odds of 1 in (0.15)3 = or 3 in a thousand that all impacts would be in Russia. It must be some kind of massive non-local vibrational quantum field vortex. When Jupiter was hit by a huge meteor a few weeks ago, I knew it in my non-materialist, zero-point field that it was time to act, and my plan began to take shape.
First, I’d need lots of magnets to catch a meteorite (many meteorites are mostly iron, and besides, then I’d be kept healthy by their magnetic field). How to get a lot of magnets quickly? So I posed as a Mormon missionary (Elder Jon). I paid some weird guy – Mark Green – to pose as my mission partner (Elder Mark). That got us into home after home. Each time we got in, I’d say a few things about Israelite seamanship and their need for a savior, then quickly point out the window with “look! Gadianton robbers!!, giving Elder Mark a chance to grab some magnets from their refrigerator. We’d leave some pearls with them, so it wasn’t actually stealing (they could get a great price for them, I bet).
They Realize how Important This Is……..
Getting through airport security was a little tricky. I had to explain why I had hundreds of refrigerator magnets in my carry-on luggage, but after I explained the morphic angelic wave-function vortex to them, the TSA agents kinda looked at each other and then let me go through. They clearly realized how important this was! I kept having to return cell phones and other devices that attached themselves to my carry-on luggage as I walked through the airport and onto the plane, but that’s not as bad as getting to my new home in Russia and finding that all the data had been erased from my flashdrives and credit cards. So I had to go into the woods, make a bow and arrow, shoot caribou, and barter to get basic necessities. Funny, the mutant radioactive pigs were easier to shoot, but no one would barter anything for them. Well, back to sleep for me, just as soon as I finish a logbook entry for today’s date…….
-Jon Cleland Host, Krazynoyarsk
Dr. Jon Cleland Host is a scientist who earned his PhD in materials science at Northwestern University & has conducted research at Hemlock Semiconductor and Dow Corning since 1997. He holds eight patents and has authored over three dozen internal scientific papers and eleven papers for peer-reviewed scientific journals, including the journal Nature. He has taught classes on biology, math, chemistry, physics and general science at Delta College and Saginaw Valley State University. Jon grew up near Pontiac, and has been building a reality-based spirituality for over 30 years, first as a Catholic and now as a Unitarian Universalist, including collaborating with Michael Dowd and Connie Barlow to spread the awe and wonder of the Great Story of our Universe (see www.thegreatstory.org, and the blog at evolutionarytimes.org). Jon and his wife have four sons, whom they embrace within a Universe-centered, Pagan, family spirituality. He currently moderates the yahoo group Naturalistic Paganism.